http://adr-sandbox.wikidot.com/jameson-rain
There is probably some Grammar errors in there but the article is finished and I think it is at least fine.
http://adr-sandbox.wikidot.com/jameson-rain
There is probably some Grammar errors in there but the article is finished and I think it is at least fine.
Aw hell yeah, I've been stalking the activity on the sandbox and saw you were working on this for a damn long time, so I'm excited to check it out! I'll let you know when I read it since it's pretty late at the time of writing this.
The zennest of ions.
ok
I'm kinda surprise that you actually check the activity on the sandbox site
Ok, so, WOW!!!
First of all, let me tell you the negatives real quick. You have a lot of grammatical mistakes since I believe English is not your first language, but these can easily be fixed by me before publishing.
Ok, with that out of the way, let me tell you the positives. THIS IS AWESOME!!! WHAT THE FUCK MAN, THIS IS REALLY, REALLY GOOD!!! I LOVE THIS!!!
God, where do I even start… So, the whole article looks like a standard ADF article, but it feels like a story! I didn't even plan on reading the entire thing tonight, but I started, and I just couldn't stop.
The first thing I noticed was that the article is LONG. And I personally love long articles (I mean, you've read my ADF-1. Juniper, my beloved…), but I only love them if they are executed well. This was executed REALLY WELL. Even with all the grammar mistakes, the story unraveled in a buttery smooth way. It had the information, the mystery, the fear of the unknown, straight-up body horror, instantly likeable characters, nice scenery, lore potential, a ton of cats, plot twists, EVERYTHING! The whole thing with Josie, for example, is set up so perfectly. As you're mentioning her, more and more I keep thinking "Wait… There's something wrong. Nahhh, no way." until finally we get to the confirmation that the worst has happened. Your mixing of mystic, ancient "occult" themes and "modern" themes like conspiracy forums and internet theories is greatly executed. The small details you add about your author, like the aluminum hat, the black cars sending him and Hill on random side-quests, and the homeless cats, are just adorable, and a great comic relief. Also, I MUST know every single name of the cats you adopted. The whole "conspiracy theory" vibe you got going is another plus. The thing about the police working WITH the anomaly is a crazy addition to this. I love tiny town mystery horror. Gravity Falls is my favorite cartoon, and It from Stephen King is my favorite horror novel lmao. Idk how the fuck you managed to include everything I love to see in horror fiction in one article. Oh, and the final message you leave for the ADR Team is SO FUCKED UP HAHAHA!
Now, the anomaly itself is FREAKY AS HELL. A dangerous, deadly thing everybody knows about, but nobody knows who or what it is, even what it looks like… Nobody knows its origins, its appearance, or its reasons for doing the things it does. Yet, it exists. It's there. Always. And you just gotta accept that fact. It's the "unknown" aspect that really gets to you with these things. The human/non-human debate plays a good part in this, for example. The fact that groups have formed, still debating and theorizing whether it's one thing or another, even if it supposedly existed for so damn long, is messed up! As I was reading, I was trying to come up with the most plausible theory, feeling like I was part of the story, meaning your article is borderline interactive. Like a fucked up episode of Dora the Explorer lol. Great stuff
Now, here are some questions and suggestions to finalize your ADF:
And with that, we're done! Please let me know if you have any other questions or additional info or whatever, and good luck! I genuinely hope to see more of your work in the future!
The zennest of ions.
Nice to know that you love the article
Also in case that you wanna know - Thomas is name of one of the cat
So about your question and suggestions:
Also thanks for reading the article
Thomas is a beautiful name for a homeless cat :)
Alr, thanks for all the answers, that clears things up. I'm glad you're planning on expanding your lore about The Ministry and everything, it's got great potential. As for the photo, leave that to me! I just add black boxes over the eyes and mouth in Photoshop and then edit the photo's colors so that it looks old and spooky hehehe.
ADF-7 it is! I'll make sure to edit all the "ADF-X" while correcting your grammar, so don't worry about that.
So, do you want to make any changes to the article, or can I start fixing the writing mistakes and finalizing it? I'll also make sure to add the spooky Marison Johnson photo at the part where you talk about her. Let me know ASAP!
The zennest of ions.
Sure, I think you should just fixing and finalizing the article
I don't think there is anything else to add in the article